Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nunurul's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
12:17 am	guess what, i studied my ass off for my bio test and i got a D. gees can somebody tell me whats wrong with me. i wasnt born stupid, am i? of course im not! gees im not going to give up. im going to go go go all the way! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
11:46 pm	im now lying own on my bed, trying to figure out what line would start this post best. but mainly because i wanted to let out my feelings, feelings that no one knew. so be prepared my dear readers, if i have one that is, for one hell of an emo post that im going type now. for all my life, i couldnt think of just one moment that i was so damn bloody happy. i was always sad. sometimes i ask myself, am i the saddest girl on earth? i have always been insecure about everything, my looks my weight my face my studies how stupid i am. i couldnt help but think about all these stuffs. in the past, guys haven't always treat me nicely. they are like beast. they only go for the prettiest, thinnest girl.. and left me behind after few dates. i told you they are like beast. they will look at girls even when they are with you, fantasize about them, when they are actually our boyfriends. fuck them really. i. on the other hand, havent been nice to guys either. i remembered this guy named hafiez (gees i hope he's somewhere out there reading this), he is really a nice guy, treats me well, made me happy. i remembered i took 3 months to finally meet him. before that it was only on the phone. i knew how he looked like, smaller, thinner than me. i thought that three months i could shed 20 kilos. but i didnt la. and i finally met him. so nice, but i couldnt help but feel insecure that he is smaller than me. so i left without saying a word. he kept searching for a little while. then i guess he got angry and called me a bitch. he said he'll feel sorry for the guy im going to meet in the future. gees hafiez, if you are reading this, i am truly deeply sorry for all the things that i have done to you. a girl shouldnt ever have done that to a guy like you. i left because i was angry with myself. for being such an insecure paranoid bitch. im sorry to indra, who made such an impact to my life. like i said, its all up to fate. im sorry haikal.... for i made the worst mistakes when im with you. (trust me, there are more guys who broke my heart. much much more) i wish i couldnt be bothered about all these, but i just cant. i think its karma i wish i wasnt into relationship. now, i could not imagine myself alone, not having a guy to depend on. i made a huge mistake. i wish i could be studious, with alot of friends, who has a cca to kill time and most importantly who is a good muslimah Ya Allah, help me. bring me to the right path. give me the signs. help me forget all the mistakes i have made. embrace me back into your arms for i am too weak. Ya Allah, if he is the one for me then give me the signs. i will be calm and i will take all of this as slow as possible. Ameen. sometimes, i wish i could look at His book. and see who is my prince charming. i have a strong urge to get married to someone. maybe because i think ill be happier? i dunno. like what a partner say, stop worrying, start living. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
9:04 pm	hey y'all! i know it has been 2 weeks since i last updated. alot, and i mean alot! of things happened during the past few weeks. i would prefer not to talk about it in details but i would briefly explain lah huh. on the 18th of october i found out something that really bothers me about babyboy. confronted and got really angry. really angry that i called it all off. the relationship was at stake at the point of time and i really wanted to end it. had long talks and shed so many tears. after nearly 3 years of being attached, i really didnt have the idea of being all alone. i told him not to text or call me and i insist on not replying if he does. i think that was what made him sad. and for the first time in almost 2 years, i saw him cry. see, when youre in love, everything else has meanings. i still love that boy. even though he made me cry over and over again. we are going to take things really, really slow. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 15th, 2009
4:16 pm	so i ended my attachment last week. by the second week, i really cant wait to get out of that hell. there were people making rumours about me flirting with a staff nurse. its so untrue. and the staff there was a bunch of hypocrites. they can be so nice infront of you. but behind you they will talk and mock and oh fuck them all. it has ended anyway. so on monday i returned working in sb after three weeks. apparently alot of things happened while i was away. nice to hear the stories, glad that it doesnt affect me. im only there for the money. and im going to get around 150 this month as i didnt work much. sad siah. oh wells. schools starting on monday. im trying to think positive now. come on, its only 2 and a half more years to go (ok i dont think its working, cause 6 months in school felt like a hundred years) and i finally get to meet my babes! oh i miss them. i miss the prata in my school. (and thats basically it. nothing else.) ill try to take another bus from a nearer bus stop instead of going in and out from the maingate cause by the time i get into my tutorial class ill be panting like a pig and perspiring like i just ran a round off the stadium (for you guys who dont know, i cant even run quarter of the stadium) and im not kidding. my time table sucks. i just cant find a time to juggle all of these things! school work family husband ceh. ohhhhhhh should i really take up the sponsorshipppppppp. urgh the temptations. hmm lemme think. the pros of getting up the sponsorship is of course the money. having a job after i graduate. boost my confidence to study. the cons is.. i have to quit starbucks. failing despite so much time i have to study which also means i have to pay back the hospital like few hundred grands if i terminate the bond.  ill have to be their (the hospital) slave for the next three years. so how? email me your comments or opinion whether i should take up the bond or not to: theculprit_ain@hotmail.com or you can just click on (Comment on this) on the right hand corner of this entry! is that simple! (Comment on this)
Monday, September 28th, 2009
9:54 pm	attachment is killing most of my time. and im dead beat by having to wake up at 5 everyday. plus when i reach  the ward theres not even time to sit for a second. the sole of my feet is already showing much veins. so i really cant wait for it to end! im planning to enjoy and pamper myself to something during the one week holiday and using my sb pay which is coming on thursday (i hope). oh, during my orientation on tuesday, i was down with, what i thought, an eye infection. it started at around 9.30am when i was in the lecture theatre. then it got worst when we were on the hospital tour with the CI. informed the CI and she brought me to the staff clinic. wrong timing, the doctors were having their lunch and i had to wait an hour and a half for them. by the time, it really got really bad to the point that i cried alone in the clinic. when they came back, i was consulted by this female doctor who assessed me and who almost blinded me by the bright torchlight. then she told me that she saw either a laceration or a foreign object that is white in colour in the medial aspect of my right eye (ceh). so she asked me to go to the emergency dept. panic sekejap. macam nak nangis pun ada. nurses at the counter outside offered me to a ride in the ambulance but its okay. the pain was tolerable by then so i took the shuttle bus, drop at block 2 and walk. theres really alot of paramedics/medics down there. tell me about it! haha. met a doctor, and another one, and another one. the last one was an eye doctor. she uses her microscope thingy haha to check my eyes and when shes done she just said that i overused my contact lens. @&^%$#@!! . waited so long, met so many doctors, in the end overusage of contacts. THEN THEN. thats not all, when i went to the cashier to make the payment, cashier nicely ask, ok 90 dollars? wtf. no contact lens for one month, so, i got myself new spectacles! i cant believe my degree/power is highest in the family. tu lah tengok tv depan depan lagi. the past one week has really open my eyes. seeing all the patients in pain really makes me sad. but i know that somebody has to do it. somebody has to change their dressing, give them painful injections cause if not who else would want to do it. but no doubt, seeing open wound just make me sick. why am i in the course in the first place. hais. attachment has limit my time with boyboy whereas he got so much free time which is mostly spent with his friends. its okay. two more weeks. then im a free woman back again! i think i need 876009 more hours of sleep then i can function normally. will update again soon.  (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
12:17 pm	sir lump mud hairy rare year people! saya, nurul ain binte tajuddin ingin meminta maaf kepada sesiapa sahaja yang saya telah tersinggung. for i am just a normal human being, not perfect, and has the tendency to make mistakes. yesterday as i said we didnt go out as my dad was working. our first guest was cik ali, followed by cik yaya, then cik asnah. ate alot. cute right arianna! ok im heading to wakmahs house now. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 19th, 2009
10:27 pm	kuihs galore made three kuihs today. suji in the morning, cheese in the afternoon and nigella's christmas chocolate chip after buka. all in all, i still like my sisters instant-made betty crocker chocolate chip because of the fact that she uses hershey chocolates. lets see whats instore for rayaaa.. kuih tart kuih makmur kuih tart chocolate kuih peanut butter cookie kuih cheese kuih suji kuih nigella kuih chocolate chip thats eight types of cookies man. but im surprised that this year there is alot of chocolate cookies. my mum used to hate doing chocolate cookies. dunno what got into her this year. so anybody who wants to nibble onto this cookies is welcome to my house this festive month. though duit raya is not included. my brother's girlfriend came down for buka today. earlier on my mum said that my brother is getting married. finally god answers one of my prayers. thank you Allah. now my second brother can sleep in his room while i watch cable tv til late night. haha! she's nice la. very pretty and petite. anyway, had bee hoon with chunks of ramli patty, prawns in it, popiah alongside with cheese hotdog and otak otak which my bros gf gave.  im still unsure of her name. i think its azlina? i want get married too. i cant believe raya is in few hours time. tomorrow is the last day of fasting month and a part of me is filled with regrets cause i didn't do much as a muslimah in this holy month of ramadhan. i hope i will learnt my lesson and would not do it next year, and the following years. To all, selamat idul fitri minaal aidil wal faizin in advance! Current Mood: numb Current Music: beeping sound of the oven (Comment on this)
Friday, September 18th, 2009
10:54 pm	this is super funny. damn i wish i knew how to speak with their slang. haha. i went to work in the morning. with aidah and hermie. i cant believe how hardcore aidah was and the fact that shes now married. she looked too decent to listen to death metal. but she got nice voice. hermie as usual with her nonsense. farah shida punch in at two, adding up the chaos. nad came just to help out i guess. then man came and hire new partner name nad-eh (i think thats his name). another nad. good that man is hiring alot of partners. we need alot of them to cover our shifts and also our graveyard. yes its 24 hours now. after work i went to break fast with OF people together with ain. i miss them seh. we made a hari raya video which huda had been planning eversince beginning of the year. haha. haaa talking about raya, i really haven't gotten the mood yet due to the fact that my dads working on the first day and we're not going out as everybodys coming here cause my grandma is here mah. this is the first year that we're not going out on the 1st day. and the 2nd day of raya im going to wak mah's house. and the third day is my fcking attachment. i dont know how to go to the block. panic mode! meet jonah. i love you jonah. dont jump down the window. stay alive till everybody sees you for raya okay. *big kisses* (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
11:40 pm	hello there. im back after 24 weeks of not updating yaw. gees. 24 weeks. thats 6 months of pure absence. this is going to be long so bare with me okay? i started school in april and it wasnt that bad after all. met new friends like jevini, shu, nat and yani. funny bitch eh i mean bunch.  orientation was sucky cause we had to wear this awful-super-hot polo tee which the OJL asks us to run around the school with. plus the weather wasn't too kind to begin with. when school started for real i was really eggcited to learn new stuffs but there was a problem. juggling school and work wasnt easy as i thought. i struggled the whole semester just to get the money and grades. eventhough my school is near to my house, my sense of punctuality still sucks. most of the time ill skip my first tutorial. but hey 6 months past so fast. and for all i knewit was exam week. it was okay since most of the questions was mcqs. i really hope i wont retake any of the modules. eversince fasting month i have to be honest that i had few days of not fasting without any good reasons. if i do opening, confirm plus chop ill skip. but thats only like for a few days la. but still, GOD FORGIVE ME. i will pay back. i would even do puasa enam insyaAllah. i havent been such a good muslimah like i wished to be. please god give me guidance. maybe thats why i havent been so eggcited for raya this year. i certainly dont deserve to celebrate raya. work work. hard when i first re-joined. forgotten all the cup-markings, closing opening procedures, counting pos took me quite awhile. but after some time i was okay with everything. includes all the partners. although man recently said, its going to take awhile for the partners to get to know me well. but i guessed they do know me well enough now. we treat everybody with respect they deserved. i have work tomorrow. omg im so tired and sleepy now i should be sleeping. but no, i shall let my food be digested first since hermie, my pt manager kept saying im fat fat then if i ask her whether im really fat she'll be nice and say, maybe voluptuous. hais. and yes im still loving that boy. its going to be 2 years soon. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: the noise that my dusty fan makes is apparently making me even more sleepy (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
11:28 pm	this is going to be a fast one. i should be sleeping since im doing opening tomorrow. and im sick. i hate being sick. i hate having this uber itchy throat. i hate the feeling of having phlegms clogging my throat in the morning, it makes me extra sick. hopefully ill get well tomorrow. i miss my boyfriend. i dont understand why i want so much to be tall and skinny. and you must be wondering why im blabbering all this. i wanna go sleep now. piepie (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
1:26 am	you know, right now i have second thoughts about getting into nursing. i dont know whether its the right course for me, whether i can handle the blood, seeing people in agony, cleaning peoples juh bos. i am really clueless. plus the job will need me to be on the go so i scared i wont have time for haikal, or for anything else. i must stop being a no-lifer like i am now. should have gotten into rp. but its okay. i believe that everything happens for a reason. even if its not the right course i could always switch courses. i guess im still young to decide. haikals gonna start school on the 13th of april. dont forget me when you start school ok baby? mines going to start on the 20th. orientation on the 17th. i am so lazy to even look forward to it. nasib school is just 3 bus stops away. if sp, mati. ceh as if sp want to have me. met baby again today after 5 days. after whatever that happened. miss him lots and still missing him. went home and made myself chicken kebab. sedap like siak i tell you. ok ah not as nice as ali baba kebab if farah knows what i mean. haha. till later. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 19th, 2009
1:23 am	whaddupppp. you know, im already contemplating whether to delete this blog. cause i never blog nowadays, its almost a month. i have been really busy with work and whatnots. but actually right... I CANT MAKE MYSELF TO DO IT. ITS JUST SO HARD I SO SAYANG ONE! aww, i love you diary. heh heh. the past few weeks have been hectic with me covering peoples shifts. its super tiring but so long im getting the money, then i dont mind working my ass off. since i got my first pay i realised that im always not at home. im always either in store, working, or just chilling. i havent seen my mum for a long time. everytime she goes back from work i would already be outside. and when i come home shes already asleep. so i told myself to stay at home tomorrow, even if everything gets boring. i met my haikal today after four days of not seeing each other. spent the night together, but still missing him now. aiseh. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 26th, 2009
11:33 pm	hello (: im feeling all aching on my left arm cause i just had my blood test earlier this afternoon. i swear that this enrolment thingy is getting on my last nerves. and thanks to my sister for not even helping. ok sidetracking, did closing for the freaking first time on my own ( ok tipu with aiman:] ) and thanks to huda for assisting me and even had the time to write me a list of things to do. sweet kan dia. ohyes, and i pissed sani off by calling the wrong orders and stuff. i know, i know i v cb :[ but he was okay after awhile. im supposed to be working today but i gave my shift to shikin as i need to get my medical checkup done. when i came into the clinic aku dengan semangatnya go joined the queue not knowing that they have already finish doing their checkup. so i waited and i waited around 20 minutes and i stopped waiting when i saw all the people in the queue infront of me holding a receipt. hais tell me about it. and the funny thing is, semua orang dekat the back of the queue havent had their checkup, semua ikut ikut aku -_- im going to work at sb-fp tomorrow. my first attachment. hopefully it wont turn out bad. ohya i left my shoe instore so i have to get it first thing in the morning tomorrow. and i need to submit my bill receipt to nyp. eh sumpah all this enrolment thing is going haywire. or my life is. iloveyou. 240108 (Comment on this)
Monday, February 23rd, 2009
12:45 am	this is not happening. this is not happening. 1. Do you have secrets? - a handful of it. 2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you? - yup. he's younger than me by 5 months. age is just a number! 3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love? - surprisingly. i. really. dont. know. it will depend on the situation. enough said. 4. What would you do with a billion dollars? - i would be travelling. living in my own condo. driving my merc. get a cycling instructor (for a headstart to my riding-a-motorbike dream) & build a mosque, an orphanage, a hospital :] 5. Will you fall in love with your best friend? - i dont know. 6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? - works both ways. 7. List out 10 favourite things that you like - music. haikal. photography. floral prints. money. starbucks :p. nature. daisies. chocolates. cheap bargains. 8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do? - geez, forget all about it. 9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy? - i havent been extremely happy for some time now. 10. What makes you very sad recently? - when i felt like i havent been perfect for him. 11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time? - cooking in my own condo kitchen afterwhich i will fetch my child from school and my husband from work and prepare them dinner. 12. Who is currently the most important people to you? - haikal. 13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life? - self esteem. 14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and rich? - married and rich. 15. What is your favourite colour? - none in particular 16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick? - yikes. i would prepare myself to hurt someone, which i doubt ill do cause im not heartless. shucks i really dont wish to be in this position as i would be clueless. 17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done? - depends. 18. What do you want to tell the someone you like? - i like you for you ;p 19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose? - friendsss. 20. Do you believe that there's "True Love"? - hell yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i stayed until closing and took the transport yesterday since i was pissed off cos haikal didnt want me to go to his gig but i understand? really had fun with the bunch although i was so damn tired plusplus my bloody elephant thighs were aching like totally and by the time they finish doing their closing i was already on the couch, complaining to myself how sleepy and tired i was (ok catch your breath). supposingly i have only one shift next week, which is on wednesday but ariff was kind enough to give me his shift on thurs and rizal called just now and said ive been attached to sb-sp. yay more moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :] p/s: ohya, dont snatch my photogs ya people. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
12:33 pm	dear lj, i know this entry will sound psychotic and such but i dont really care anymore. everyday, i struggle with insecurities. my life has been filled with let downs and disappointments. I place all conversations through the filter of insecurities, my insecurities. I then become defensive and quick to judge.  I say things I don’t really mean and do things I wish I could take back all in the effort to protect my heart. Insecurities lurk in the shadows of every conversation. i will start to question myself the cause of this. sadly, i dont have the answers. I need to regain my sanity. Kick the insecurities. OMG. I so need help. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 13th, 2009
9:39 pm	hello there. i met with an accident yesterday. hit my head against the wall and now its swollen. but i still love you lah haikal! im going to do opening tomorrow and guess what time i have to be in store? 6.45. thank god areeeff would be doing opening also. ok so my bar test would be on sunday. i hope i wouldnt gan-giong and screw it up. i want to get it all done so that i can start working which means ill start earning more money. im so broke now and im so looking forward to my first pay. gosh my heads spinning and i should be sleeping now. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 7th, 2009
7:33 pm	boys will break your heart, best friends will betray you, parents will seem too strict, and life might annoy you, but you should always remember that there's a purpose for these things, that happen to us. So keep your head up and your spirits high... because if you don't...life will just pass you by. ok i decided to change the previous entry that i wrote because of i few reasons. sometimes i wonder are grass really greener on the other side? should i give it all up just to be there? i yearn to be beautiful like her tall like her thin like her. make me feel pretty. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
11:04 pm	if you like me raise your hand, if you don't, raise your standards. (Comment on this)
12:10 pm	well, im not in a mood to blog. but i guess i have to since i have nothing more to do and there is 1) no food 2) nobody's online 3) boyf's asleep. alot have been happening this week, cried alot but im not going to brag. had trainings on tues and thurs. it was okay, no it was fun. i like being in the bar it reminds me of working in cbtl. went out with boyf yesterday and went off super early cos he wanted to play takraw with his buddies and ended up going home at 6 in the morning, hump! (hahahah inside joke). gotten my postings yesterday and i got into nursing at nyp. im still contemplating whether to accept it or appeal to another course cause theres been people whos bugging me to. i just need to talk to a nurse and enquire more about the profession. ok im going to watch friends now. g'day people! Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
11:03 pm	so aloneeee. one year. i hate it when we fight bcos i know deep in my heart how much we actually care for one another. its silly, when you think about it, that two people who love each other have a hard time getting back on track. i want so much for us to listen openly to each other and focus on what brought us together in the first place. i love you baby. i love the little jokes that only we understand. the way our hands naturally find each others and the memories that seem so wonderful. now that we look back, our relationship will never be perfect but you will always be an important part of me. love you everyday, ainainain. (Comment on this)